


The Judas Report

by spacetimerift



Category: The Lobby
Genre: Judas just wants to sleep, Noah's a bastard and we love him, Other, gays being dumb, just lobby things, rated teen for [gasp] language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 01:30:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21330025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacetimerift/pseuds/spacetimerift
Summary: Why just hang around when you could make a fake news channel about your partner? Or, Gerard suffers from lovesick idiot syndrome.
Relationships: Judas/Gerard|Gee (The Lobby)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 3





	The Judas Report

Gerard sat in the kitchen with his legs stretched out across the table, aimlessly drawing triangles in his mostly-blank notebook. A half-full mug of coffee sat abandoned next to his elbow, at least an hour old, but who really knows for sure. An extremely bored Noah scrolled through his phone in a chair on the other side of the room, and leaned over to look at the stairwell and landing. "Still no sign of them," he muttered, "are you sure this is the right time?" He asked Gerard, who only checked his watch and made a general motion of affirmation. "Any minute now, I swear, you got the camera ready?" "Yeah." "Alright, on my mark." From above them, a light creak was heard, causing Noah to raise his eyebrows slightly in surprise. After a few more creaks, several rustles, and one loud thump, Judas emerged into the kitchen with a significant bedhead and made their way directly to the coffeepot, grunting in Gerard's general direction as he smiled sweetly at them.  
Turning to face Noah and assuming his best impression of a newscaster posture, he grinned, "Good morrrning, everyone! Here and now, we begin the daily Judas Report, bringing you news about your favourite cryptid! Here we see them in their natural habitat and before any artificial pressures can change their attitude of the day. Watch and learn." He got up and tiptoed dramatically towards Judas before abruptly throwing his arms around their neck and kissing their cheek. "Good morning, darling, do you have anything to say to our viewers?" They glanced sleepily in Noah's direction, mumbled something that sounded like "what in the fuck, you two," and continued going about their business (glaring at the coffeemaker as it spat out another cup very, very slowly). Undeterred, Gerard hopped up to sit on the counter next to them. "Not only do we have a sighting of Judas," he continued, "but this presents an opportunity to analyze their morning routine and what makes them so goddamn irresistible. Is it the hair? Is it the coffee? Who can say for certain?" From behind the camera, Noah laughed. "Gee, you do realize you're the most qualified to say don't you?" Blushing, Gerard flipped him the bird. "Anyway! Judas, would you care to enlighten us? What _exactly_ is your secret?"  
~ ~ ~  
"Gee, this is a stupid idea." "Oh come _on_, Noah, you need to have a sense of fun! A sense of life!" "Hey, if you want to be this week's first crime victim, be my guest." "Shut up, dude, just film me!"  
Gerard cleared his throat ostentatiously and directed an imperious gaze towards the camera before waggling his eyebrows at it. "Here we have the most essential part of today's program: a comparison of different varieties of Judas. Arrayed on this desk are various photos of the one and only sexiest motherfucker in the world, my spouse. This photo shows them at 7 in the morning with their hair sticking in fifteen different directions, oh hey there's even the one of them doing the gottem sign at Squidwar-" He was interrupted by a loud knock on the door. "Noah? Babe? Are you in here??" Gerard slid under the desk. "Noah, quick, hide the photos," he hissed.  
Noah opened the door to let Judas in, "yeah, what's up? We're just looking at embarrassing photos of you." Gerard stuck his head up over the desk "I said HIDE them, you bastard, not give away our secret intentions!" Judas playfully glowered at their boyfriend before walking over and picking him up. "Hey! What are you doing?!" "I'm going back to bed, and I need someone to cuddle with." "You're not going to get away this easily! The world needs to understand how great you are!!!" Noah laughed as the couple noisily departed and started packing up the camera. Glancing around quickly, he slipped the photo of Judas too early in the morning into his coat pocket. After all, what's a little friendly blackmail is hardly anything in the grand scheme of things.


End file.
